I would not presume to put a value on the life of a fellow human being, least of all Paul. His death at the young age of 32 will send a chilling reminder to everyone who hears of it that life can be unexpectedly short as well as cruel. For Paul it was both.
To many he was just a bad boy who wreaked havoc and pain everywhere he went. It would be foolish to deny that. He had no regard for the law and little for other people if they stood in his way. In that frame of mind he put himself and his own needs first. Most people do, but most people, Paul would say, are hypocrites. Paul knew what he was doing and had his own, albeit strange, code of morality, which justified his actions. He never subscribed to any public or national code of morality. Why should he? Paul was let down by those people over and over again. He entered the care system at the age of 8 because he believed the authorities would help and protect him. They did not. Throughout his time in care he was plagued by social workers who did not see him from one month to the next but when they did expected to proclaim what was best for him and expected him to accept that they knew best. He did not. I remember when, at the age of 16, the time came for him to leave the care of the residential school which I was responsible for. We had pressed his social worker repeatedly for a decision about where he should go next but received no answer. Our view, and his, was that he should remain in our overall care in a semi independent capacity, safely away from the street life of Birmingham. He was, in fact, given 24 hours notice, collected by his social worker, and taken to a hostel in the heart of a black, gang orientated part of Birmingham. There he was dumped and his social worker sped off to a meeting (very important, no doubt).
It was easy to see Paul as a victim when he was a child and young teenager. As he grew older the system, as it does, re-labelled him as a perpetrator. Certainly, what happened in those early adult years bears all that out. After all, he had choices. He would be the first to say he knew what he was doing. He liked having choices. It would be oh so comfortable for those of us who support the society we live in to say that he could have chosen to join us, even forgiven us for letting him down when he was younger. I think a lot of "respectable" people still believe in the angel in the slums idea much favoured by Charles Dickens. The truth is Paul had a culture and any way he was far too angry to join one that was full of over moral hypocrites. Incidentally, I can see a similarity here with American attitudes to the invasion of Iraq. Why oh why would the people of Iraq want to bow down and be ever so grateful to these strange people from across the pond? It is about as appealing as answering the door to a complete stranger who tells you that they know you have problems but all you have to do is leave it all to them and they will sort your life out. Yeah - right.
Paul did, nevertheless, have dreams and like most people they were the same dreams. He wanted to be successful - in our world. And he did put a huge amount of effort into achieving success. Although he "worked the system" as much as he could he had energy and flair. I always believed that he had what it took to be a millionaire. He was one of the sharpest minds I have ever come across. Unfortunately, there are 2 sides to making money. Paul was very good at getting projects off the ground. He was not very good at hanging on to money and in the end it became all too apparent that for every penny he made he would spend 10. Consequently, he was plagued by debt and pursued by creditors. He was like the outrageous anti-hero of a Hollywood movie but believe me however entertaining that might be on the silver screen it it just not funny for those who have to live with it. But it is exciting.
Like most people, Paul wanted to love and be loved. After a very chequered life of trying he did find what he was looking for in his partner, Sam. Paul had a very appealing side to his nature and could be the life and soul of the party. He swept Sam off her feet for the first year or so. By the time she realised what he was really like it was too late. You do not walk away from Paul, honest, you don't. She has recently described him as the man you hate to love. But love him she did and for her the experience of the last 4 years will last the rest of her life. I think she will never quite decide whether it was worth it or not.
I suppose Paul was at his best in the bowling alley. He loved the game and was always highly competitive. He would protest the rules to squeeze everything out of them he could but he would also be the first to recognise good play and to congratulate exceptional performance. He was a sportsman in the true sense. For me the position of power is all about the art of playing the one down position. For Paul it was one up all the way. His favourite saying was "Don't get brave". He certainly believed in luck but more so he believed in making his own luck. In the bowling alley the structure of the occasion helped him to fit in. No one needed to know the turmoil inside him. They could just enjoy his comradeship. And enjoy it they did.
I could just leave it at that - a brief flavour of Paul's life. I think he deserves more. If his life amounted to so little then why has he had such a profound impact on those around him? I think the answer is that he challenged much more than we care to admit. He made us see that we believe more in the fabric of our society than we do in the people that inhabit it. No one today in the western world can claim to believe in anything other than democracy. By that we mean that all of us are free to live our lives as we like. Yet that is so not true. We qualify that lofty ideal at every juncture. We make more and more rules about how we can and cannot behave in a civilised society. We punish those who break the rules, often quite arbitrarily, in the name of justice when in truth we are just making excuses to raise money. We treat the public, those we don't know, as punters to be exploited. We use the system to further our own ends and not to be unnecessarily generous to our fellow man. Paul did all of those things because he believed the world was still a jungle and you had to be a hunter gatherer to survive. When society complained he argued that he was following society's rules. He fought the system all the way and proved it to be a part of the jungle it claimed to be protecting us from. Had he lived way back in history he might have been a dictator and I rather think he would have made a good one. He had a sense of fairness which he learned from all the unfairness that happened in his life. Of course he would have made sure he was alright first but I think he would have cut through a lot of red tape. Some of the most unlikely characters make the best leaders if they only get the chance. Whether or not Paul quit, or rather was forced to quit, before life caught up with him or whether the best was yet to come we shall never know. He certainly had no resting place in this life. Let us hope that if there is another realm beyond death he has finally found peace - may he rest in peace.
Peter Rayner
Tags: Paul Doughty death morality social workers Birmingham victim perpetrator choices hypocrites society Iraq money anti-hero love brave bowling alley sportsman democracy jungle unfairness dictator peace
To many he was just a bad boy who wreaked havoc and pain everywhere he went. It would be foolish to deny that. He had no regard for the law and little for other people if they stood in his way. In that frame of mind he put himself and his own needs first. Most people do, but most people, Paul would say, are hypocrites. Paul knew what he was doing and had his own, albeit strange, code of morality, which justified his actions. He never subscribed to any public or national code of morality. Why should he? Paul was let down by those people over and over again. He entered the care system at the age of 8 because he believed the authorities would help and protect him. They did not. Throughout his time in care he was plagued by social workers who did not see him from one month to the next but when they did expected to proclaim what was best for him and expected him to accept that they knew best. He did not. I remember when, at the age of 16, the time came for him to leave the care of the residential school which I was responsible for. We had pressed his social worker repeatedly for a decision about where he should go next but received no answer. Our view, and his, was that he should remain in our overall care in a semi independent capacity, safely away from the street life of Birmingham. He was, in fact, given 24 hours notice, collected by his social worker, and taken to a hostel in the heart of a black, gang orientated part of Birmingham. There he was dumped and his social worker sped off to a meeting (very important, no doubt).
It was easy to see Paul as a victim when he was a child and young teenager. As he grew older the system, as it does, re-labelled him as a perpetrator. Certainly, what happened in those early adult years bears all that out. After all, he had choices. He would be the first to say he knew what he was doing. He liked having choices. It would be oh so comfortable for those of us who support the society we live in to say that he could have chosen to join us, even forgiven us for letting him down when he was younger. I think a lot of "respectable" people still believe in the angel in the slums idea much favoured by Charles Dickens. The truth is Paul had a culture and any way he was far too angry to join one that was full of over moral hypocrites. Incidentally, I can see a similarity here with American attitudes to the invasion of Iraq. Why oh why would the people of Iraq want to bow down and be ever so grateful to these strange people from across the pond? It is about as appealing as answering the door to a complete stranger who tells you that they know you have problems but all you have to do is leave it all to them and they will sort your life out. Yeah - right.
Paul did, nevertheless, have dreams and like most people they were the same dreams. He wanted to be successful - in our world. And he did put a huge amount of effort into achieving success. Although he "worked the system" as much as he could he had energy and flair. I always believed that he had what it took to be a millionaire. He was one of the sharpest minds I have ever come across. Unfortunately, there are 2 sides to making money. Paul was very good at getting projects off the ground. He was not very good at hanging on to money and in the end it became all too apparent that for every penny he made he would spend 10. Consequently, he was plagued by debt and pursued by creditors. He was like the outrageous anti-hero of a Hollywood movie but believe me however entertaining that might be on the silver screen it it just not funny for those who have to live with it. But it is exciting.
Like most people, Paul wanted to love and be loved. After a very chequered life of trying he did find what he was looking for in his partner, Sam. Paul had a very appealing side to his nature and could be the life and soul of the party. He swept Sam off her feet for the first year or so. By the time she realised what he was really like it was too late. You do not walk away from Paul, honest, you don't. She has recently described him as the man you hate to love. But love him she did and for her the experience of the last 4 years will last the rest of her life. I think she will never quite decide whether it was worth it or not.
I suppose Paul was at his best in the bowling alley. He loved the game and was always highly competitive. He would protest the rules to squeeze everything out of them he could but he would also be the first to recognise good play and to congratulate exceptional performance. He was a sportsman in the true sense. For me the position of power is all about the art of playing the one down position. For Paul it was one up all the way. His favourite saying was "Don't get brave". He certainly believed in luck but more so he believed in making his own luck. In the bowling alley the structure of the occasion helped him to fit in. No one needed to know the turmoil inside him. They could just enjoy his comradeship. And enjoy it they did.
I could just leave it at that - a brief flavour of Paul's life. I think he deserves more. If his life amounted to so little then why has he had such a profound impact on those around him? I think the answer is that he challenged much more than we care to admit. He made us see that we believe more in the fabric of our society than we do in the people that inhabit it. No one today in the western world can claim to believe in anything other than democracy. By that we mean that all of us are free to live our lives as we like. Yet that is so not true. We qualify that lofty ideal at every juncture. We make more and more rules about how we can and cannot behave in a civilised society. We punish those who break the rules, often quite arbitrarily, in the name of justice when in truth we are just making excuses to raise money. We treat the public, those we don't know, as punters to be exploited. We use the system to further our own ends and not to be unnecessarily generous to our fellow man. Paul did all of those things because he believed the world was still a jungle and you had to be a hunter gatherer to survive. When society complained he argued that he was following society's rules. He fought the system all the way and proved it to be a part of the jungle it claimed to be protecting us from. Had he lived way back in history he might have been a dictator and I rather think he would have made a good one. He had a sense of fairness which he learned from all the unfairness that happened in his life. Of course he would have made sure he was alright first but I think he would have cut through a lot of red tape. Some of the most unlikely characters make the best leaders if they only get the chance. Whether or not Paul quit, or rather was forced to quit, before life caught up with him or whether the best was yet to come we shall never know. He certainly had no resting place in this life. Let us hope that if there is another realm beyond death he has finally found peace - may he rest in peace.
Peter Rayner
Tags: Paul Doughty death morality social workers Birmingham victim perpetrator choices hypocrites society Iraq money anti-hero love brave bowling alley sportsman democracy jungle unfairness dictator peace
