Don't Scare The Sheep

I have been holding on to this little snippet since before Christmas. My apologies to the magazine who originally published it. I do normally acknowledge my sources but in this instance I tore out the page from one of the many specialist transport magazines that cross my desk. All that's left is what you see. It may be that the magazine is called On Rank.

My interest was drawn to the piece partly because I drove 5 Cavaliers in a row in the 1990s and, indeed, well into the 00s. Also I spent around 12 years of my life as a taxi driver - probably the most over-qualified taxi driver in the world, although you would not guess that from the traditional taxi drivers' willingness to wax lyrical on almost any subject in the world. Let us not forget also that some years ago it was a London taxi driver who won one of our popular high brow quizzes called Mastermind. His name was Fred Housego. Not wishing to boast but I doubt if Fred could have come even close to some of my in-cab performances. I particularly enjoyed slipping into deep technical discussion with bright young things from the universities who, after a cracking night out, thought it would be great fun to show off their philosophical knowledge to the taxi driver. Big mistake! I won't bore you with the macho stuff but if you doubt my credentials then just pop over to my philosophical blog to satisfy yourself that I kid you not. It was particularly good fun when some cocky lad tried showing off by being an anorak in front of his girlfriend. I have grown quite rich on tips given me by gorgeous girls for putting their men in their places. Ha Ha.

I digress. My interest in the subject of speeding concerns the crime we are supposed to have committed by driving at some "terrifying" speed through the streets of our fair land. Forgive my naive ignorance but I always thought that you were supposed to have done something wrong in order to have broken the law. Apparently not. So we now have a situation in which it is illegal to drive at 31 mph in a 30 limit zone. My problems are as follows: Is it immoral to do so? I think not. Is it harmful to other people? I think not. Is it unjust. No. No. No. So why do people have to pay large sums of money when they are caught doing it? We all know examples of people who have been caught in, frankly, stupid situations - a midwife at 5am on her way to an urgent delivery but doing 31 mph through a speed camera, for example. What crime did she commit? The answer is that she didn't. So why is she fined and her license endorsed? More to the point why do people put up with this kind of dictatorship?

I think I know the answer. It is that very few people think for themselves. Mostly they come across other people's ideas and just agree with them because they seem reasonable. Bad idea. That makes us easy prey to... wait for it... people with an agenda!!! Oh no!

And the particular agenda we have fallen prey to here is the red flag brigade. They first made their appearance around 1865 when they managed to get the British parliament to pass The Locomotive Act which required a man to walk in front of a mechanically propelled vehicle waving a red flag. The speed limit was set at 4 mph in the countryside and 2 mph in the towns. It was 31 years before this rule was abolished and the speed limit set at 14 mph.

The main reason this legislation was introduced was because of self interest in the railways. What a coincidence. Nowadays we see government has a clearly enunciated bias toward public transport, including the railways.

Another reason given is that it is inherently dangerous (unlike trains which are held in place by rails and, of course, never crash.) It was so nice to hear government chappies bragging about how fast the new Eurolink trains travel! Nothing wrong with doing 140mph. Nothing at all.

Our illustrious police force who seem to dislike anyone other than policemen traveling fast in motor cars tell us "It's 30 for a reason" and the reason given is that you are more likely to kill someone if you are traveling at 40 mph and collide with them. They say you can prove anything with statistics and, if you are a spin doctor, that is exactly what you do. Think for a moment about the statistics of progressions and you will discover the lie and propaganda in all of this. Of course as you go slower the damage you do will go down, right down until you hit zero. Conclusion - the safest speed to travel at is 0 mph. And it always will be. What a gift. An argument for all occasions. Anyone who is moving is more dangerous than anyone who is still. So lets get 'em off the road. Nasty motor cars!

What is so sad is that the motoring organisations do nothing to fight back. The truth is that if you gave this stuff to your own spin doctors they could have a field day. It's just like the global warming argument. You feel so guilty about the damage you have done to the planet that you do everything possible to cut down on your use of heating, waste etc and as a result you save enough money to treat yourself to a nice holiday. Off you go on a shiny silver jet, feeling very smug, not caring that the jet alone has used twice the carbon monoxide that you saved in a year. Sigh.

So what kind of fight back could we mount. Well, did you know that all slowing down means that the volume of traffic on the roads goes up - that's a statistical fact. So the government's true policy is to increase congestion. Every detour around town means more miles - which is more pollution. Every time you stop at a traffic light you increase the time on the road and your carbon emissions by stopping and starting. Pulling away is the worst thing you can do to increase pollution. Driving smoothly without hindrance is the best. Oh yes, my favourite. The car most likely to have an accident is the slowest one because that car has a load of drivers bunched up behind him trying to get round him and getting bad tempered. The safest car is the fastest one - he's out in front with no one near him to bump into.

To return to the speeding issue. Obviously there are speeds that are inherently dangerous. No one would argue that it was morally neutral to drive at 100 mph in a town. But most speeding motorists are not doing anything wrong when they break the speed limit. It is the law that is wrong. Speeding should be used as evidence of a crime, not a crime in its own right. So, if you have an accident speeding should be taken into account. If nothing has happened, then you should not be penalised. That seems to me to be a more just way of administering the law.

Pierre

Tags: cavalier taxi Fred Housego Mastermind philosophical anorak speeding crime immoral harmful unjust dictatorship agenda red flag railways public transport Eurolink police kill propaganda statistics traffic pollution spin doctor congestion global warming

Russell Watson - Wishing You Well Again

Singer, Russell Watson, was yesterday (24/10/2007) admitted to hospital in Cheshire for emergency surgery on a brain tumour. Russell has been a customer of my courier firm since soon after his phenomenal rise to fame in 1999. He is a colourful character and always a pleasure to meet, usually in his beloved Manchester United strip, on the common outside his house looking very sporty (not posing - honest). His musical arranger, Bill Hayward, lives in Shrewsbury, hence my firm's connection with Russell, Katherine Jenkins, Lulu and the Halle orchestra (also customers).

Russell is a typical Salford lad, the son of a factory worker, mad about sport, especially Man U. He grew up as one of the lads with a passion for singing which he did around the working men's clubs of Salford and just for fun, whilst working 12 hours a night at a nuts and bolts factory. He entered a local talent contest, which he won and one thing led to another. He was invited to sing at Man U's end of season game in 1999 where he performed Nessum Dorma. That brought him to the attention of Decca and the rest, as they say, is history. He topped the UK classical charts for a year and was only knocked off the top position by his own follow up and was simultaneously No 1 in America, a unique achievement.

Russell has never lost sight of his origins or of the value of life - "It's been a long road, getting from there to here..." and he takes every opportunity to help those less fortunate than himself, especially children. Only a couple of weeks ago he performed at Manchester's prestigious Bridgewater Hall with the Halle orchestra to raise money for the new Children's Hospital and it is known that he has dug deep into his own pocket as well.

Illness has dogged him throughout his career. In 2002 he had to have a growth removed from his vocal chords. Only a year ago he had a benign brain tumour "the size of 2 golf balls" removed. It is typical of the man that he was in the recording studio working hard when his current problem "interrupted play".

My thoughts go out to Russell and his family at this anxious time. He is a fighter and we wish him every ounce of strength and courage to defeat the invisible enemy.

Pierre

Tags: Russell Watson hospital Cheshire brain tumour courier fame Manchester United Bill Hayward Shrewsbury Katherine Jenkins Lulu Halle Salford working mens clubs talent contest Nessum Dorma Decca classical charts children Bridgewater Hall courage invisible enemy

Global Warming And The End Of Life As We Know It

Some say it brings out the best in people, others the worst. Personally, I have always been extremely suspicious both of the science and the people who support it.

The problem with the science is that we have so very little to go on and in truth we just don't know what is going on. All scientists think that they are very clever people who know a lot about how things work. The history of science suggests otherwise. What we know in the scheme of things is a tiny fraction of a fraction of a per cent of what is knowable in terms of how things work.

When it comes to knowing a thing or two probably the worst of all possible examples is the weather. We got it wrong when it was fairly stable. What hope when it is not? What is beginning to emerge is that weather is globally linked and that is quite a new idea. Indeed the whole notion of thinking of scientific phenomena as systems is itself in its infancy.

A further problem is that we have only begun to collect data in the last few hundred years so good statistical analysis is simply impossible. Isolated archaeological finds or comments by contemporary writers help a little but mostly no one thought to comment on the weather when they were recording history. Nevertheless, I do remember at school learning that one of the reasons the chartist revolution failed in the 1840s was because on the day the great petition was presented to the government it rained and a lot of supporters stayed at home. British history is never quite like any other!

What we do know about the history of global warmth and weather is that it has fluctuated quite a bit over the centuries with extremes of both ice age proportions and equatorial weather in hitherto temperate regions. I must admit that I find it hard to believe that mankind has had such an impact on the planet that he has diverted the weather system. More likely is that this is just more human arrogance. I don't doubt that the world is getting warmer but I remain sceptical about the reason.

Can so many scientists be wrong? Well, yes, is the short answer but how many scientists actually believe in this unified theory, namely, that wicked mankind has burned too many fossil fuels and must return nature to nature to remedy things. I think the answer is that there are fewer of them than you might think. Sooner or later politics rears its ugly head. The truth is that if you want to get funding for any kind of research these days you have to dress it up to look like it has political significance. Consequently, researchers simply put a global warming spin on their research and obviously keep quiet for fear of never working again. Sad, but true.

My other concern is the group of people who have embraced the global warming bandwagon. It seems to me that every generation has its agitators and the only thing that changes is the cause. There is just a little too much glee for my liking with the way we are supposed to return to nature. Some of this group are definitely bicycle riders and hate cars and I fear that would be true even if it could be demonstrated that the car does not harm the environment. Indeed the gases that come out of the rear end of a cow are supposed to be as harmful as exhaust emissions from cars. So if we moved over to a more rural economy we may very well make matters a whole lot worse.

The real problem is that there are just too many of us. Let us look at the facts - and I do mean facts this time. In 1900 the global population was 1.7 billion. A century later, in 2000, it was 6.1 billion. Half a century later, in 2050 it is projected to rise to 9 billion. As the saying goes - you do the math!

The simple fact is that our global population growth has long since passed the steady rise position and is now relentlessly and exponentially doubling in fewer and fewer years. This fact alone renders all this carbon footprint business useless and futile. Like a plague of locusts we are set to take over the entire planet - unless...

Nature has her way of levelling things out. When one species eats all its prey and prospers to the point of eating all its food supply it dies of starvation, the food supply recovers and the cycle goes around again. The issue for mankind will be one of numbers. If we are unable to solve the problem, and I firmly believe that we do not stand a chance, then nature will solve it for us.

Now, what politician will dare to agree with me?

Pierre

Tags: global warming life as we know it science weather systems statistical analysis archaeological finds history school chartists government revolution rained ice+age temperate fossil fuels nature funding bandwagon bicycle environment cows population

Aardvark in Glorious Colour

Running your own business on a 24/7 basis does seem like hard work at times. One of the reasons I write a blog is to remind me that I have other interests and, hopefully, talents. In some ways I was pleased to realise that taking care of my company web site had been left and left - one of those jobs that stays on the list but never actually gets done. Well, I guess I'm just about up to date at last. My in tray is almost empty and the web site has been re-written. That's a job which has been waiting years, in fact since before broadband when we first set up our internet account and wrote a black and white single page web site. It is interesting to see from the stats how much the world has moved on from those days. One of the reasons I never quite got around to doing anything with it was because it had more of a curiosity value than a practical one. Today, however, it is as normal as having a telephone and almost as essential. In fact it will probably supercede the telephone.

On the other hand some things never change and I see microsoft has, after 9 years discontinued Front Page and introduced a very very expensive alternative. Just to make sure, they have seen to it that Front Page has disappeared off the face of the earth. Just as well I noticed that Publisher does web site conversions! I wonder what will change in the next 9 years. I have a pretty good idea what won't change.

Pierre

Tags: aardvark colour business 24/7 microsoft Front Page Publisher change

Oh yes, I almost forgot. The website is at: http://www.aardvarkagency.co.uk

Another Government Cover Up

What more can I say?

Pierre

Tags: condom government inflation production next generation pricks security screwed

Streuth It's Mark Elliott!

solo kitchen jam

Starring in today's blog is none other than my little brother, Mark, confirmed aussie, innovator of hair styles, strummer of the magic strings and able to sing pretty damm well even with his legs crossed and dying for a pee (see advanced listings on myspace).

Not wishing to seem biased but I think the boy's got talent. As yet I don't see a distinctive and memorable style which of course is what it takes if you want to go anywhere special and nowadays it seems just about everyone does. However, I have not heard much of his stuff as yet so perhaps I should do some sampling first.

I wonder if my readers would like to hear more of Mark. Let us know. I'm sure your comments would be greatly appreciated.

...and what of the required makeover. Personally, I am too folically challenged in the cranial region to comment further on that aspect. However, in the naming area may I suggest the well worn tradition of dropping the surname and adopting the middle name instead i.e. Mark Elliott instead of Mark Rayner. Even though I share the same surname I never really felt it had star quality, if you know what I mean. Elliott, however, has a proven track record. Incidentally, I keep looking at the bone structure of Bobby Elliott, the long time drummer of The Hollies and wonder if we are related - wouldn't that be nice! Elliott was our great grandma's maiden name, but, alas, there are many of them in the world.

Then there is the question of how to get famous. Much vexed. Received wisdom suggests that it is more about luck than talent - oh misery. I doubt there is a week goes by without some new story of how someone coincidentally "made it". This week it was the turn of J.K. Rowling who, as a single mum, working in a coffee bar and trying to drum up interest in her first book was interviewed by a young reporter for local radio. She gave the interview and noticed that the reporter had taken the trouble to buy and read a copy of her book so she offered to sign it for him. He declined the offer and they went their separate ways, never to meet again. The reporter remembers commenting to a colleague that this wizard stuff will never catch on - you get an instinct for what will work in literature. Well, every so often he catches sight of the value of a signed first edition Harry Potter and I am sure sheds a few tears.

So how do you promote yourself. Perhaps we should ask Jo Rowling. Certainly don't ask a critic!

Pierre

Tags: Mark Elliott brother aussie pee music guitar jam myspace talent Bobby Elliott Hollies J.K. Rowling single mum book wizard Harry Potter first edition critic

Joe Cocker - The Legacy

You either love him or hate him. Personally, I love him. Not just the music. Perhaps because his entire culture as a Yorkshireman from Sheffield comes shining through. The cultural background helps to put life and meaning into the music and that's what soul is all about. Songs like "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window" which I first heard as a student had a certain relevancy which, like the mop of curly hair, have faded somewhat over the years. This is mine in mid-flight around 1980. Sadly, today, just a memory. At least Joe did, eventually, catch up and, just for good measure, got the dreaded belly also (which I have managed to stave off).

Joe has been described as somewhat under-rated by my friend Crowbarred and I suppose he has a style which screams out cult following. Most people only know him for his rendering of the Lennon/McCartney classic "With a Little Help From My Friends" which enjoyed totally stunning and yet utterly different performances from the 2 artists. As music that defines an era goes it has to rate as what the 60s did for us as well as anything. For me, however, there are many others which better define Cocker such as "Sweet Lil' Woman", "Easy Rider", "Threw it Away", "Many Rivers to Cross", "The Letter" and my favourite, "Delta Lady".

I was delighted to discover in, of all places, The X Factor, a modern day Joe Cocker in Ben Mills. For the uninitiated The X Factor is the UK equivalent of American Pop Idol and is, indeed produced by the same guru, Simon Cowell who, incidentally, is the fastest moving earner in the music world today, having taken his wealth from a mere 60 mil to 100mil in the space of a year. I doubt if I would have persisted with The X Factor but for my curiosity about Ben Mills and my interest has been well rewarded (but no doubt not as much as Simon Cowell). I have transported the Sony music player from Ben's website so you can sample his music. Listen especially, if you will to "Picture of You" which, as well as being a fine song, has the voice at its best. I doubt if Joe could improve on the rendition - but I hope he tries.

Pierre

Tags: Joe Cocker Ben Mills Yorkshireman Sheffield music soul student 60s X Factor Pop Idol Simon Cowell wealth Sony Picture of You

Paul Doughty born 19/03/1974 died 15/03/2007

I would not presume to put a value on the life of a fellow human being, least of all Paul. His death at the young age of 32 will send a chilling reminder to everyone who hears of it that life can be unexpectedly short as well as cruel. For Paul it was both.

To many he was just a bad boy who wreaked havoc and pain everywhere he went. It would be foolish to deny that. He had no regard for the law and little for other people if they stood in his way. In that frame of mind he put himself and his own needs first. Most people do, but most people, Paul would say, are hypocrites. Paul knew what he was doing and had his own, albeit strange, code of morality, which justified his actions. He never subscribed to any public or national code of morality. Why should he? Paul was let down by those people over and over again. He entered the care system at the age of 8 because he believed the authorities would help and protect him. They did not. Throughout his time in care he was plagued by social workers who did not see him from one month to the next but when they did expected to proclaim what was best for him and expected him to accept that they knew best. He did not. I remember when, at the age of 16, the time came for him to leave the care of the residential school which I was responsible for. We had pressed his social worker repeatedly for a decision about where he should go next but received no answer. Our view, and his, was that he should remain in our overall care in a semi independent capacity, safely away from the street life of Birmingham. He was, in fact, given 24 hours notice, collected by his social worker, and taken to a hostel in the heart of a black, gang orientated part of Birmingham. There he was dumped and his social worker sped off to a meeting (very important, no doubt).

It was easy to see Paul as a victim when he was a child and young teenager. As he grew older the system, as it does, re-labelled him as a perpetrator. Certainly, what happened in those early adult years bears all that out. After all, he had choices. He would be the first to say he knew what he was doing. He liked having choices. It would be oh so comfortable for those of us who support the society we live in to say that he could have chosen to join us, even forgiven us for letting him down when he was younger. I think a lot of "respectable" people still believe in the angel in the slums idea much favoured by Charles Dickens. The truth is Paul had a culture and any way he was far too angry to join one that was full of over moral hypocrites. Incidentally, I can see a similarity here with American attitudes to the invasion of Iraq. Why oh why would the people of Iraq want to bow down and be ever so grateful to these strange people from across the pond? It is about as appealing as answering the door to a complete stranger who tells you that they know you have problems but all you have to do is leave it all to them and they will sort your life out. Yeah - right.

Paul did, nevertheless, have dreams and like most people they were the same dreams. He wanted to be successful - in our world. And he did put a huge amount of effort into achieving success. Although he "worked the system" as much as he could he had energy and flair. I always believed that he had what it took to be a millionaire. He was one of the sharpest minds I have ever come across. Unfortunately, there are 2 sides to making money. Paul was very good at getting projects off the ground. He was not very good at hanging on to money and in the end it became all too apparent that for every penny he made he would spend 10. Consequently, he was plagued by debt and pursued by creditors. He was like the outrageous anti-hero of a Hollywood movie but believe me however entertaining that might be on the silver screen it it just not funny for those who have to live with it. But it is exciting.

Like most people, Paul wanted to love and be loved. After a very chequered life of trying he did find what he was looking for in his partner, Sam. Paul had a very appealing side to his nature and could be the life and soul of the party. He swept Sam off her feet for the first year or so. By the time she realised what he was really like it was too late. You do not walk away from Paul, honest, you don't. She has recently described him as the man you hate to love. But love him she did and for her the experience of the last 4 years will last the rest of her life. I think she will never quite decide whether it was worth it or not.

I suppose Paul was at his best in the bowling alley. He loved the game and was always highly competitive. He would protest the rules to squeeze everything out of them he could but he would also be the first to recognise good play and to congratulate exceptional performance. He was a sportsman in the true sense. For me the position of power is all about the art of playing the one down position. For Paul it was one up all the way. His favourite saying was "Don't get brave". He certainly believed in luck but more so he believed in making his own luck. In the bowling alley the structure of the occasion helped him to fit in. No one needed to know the turmoil inside him. They could just enjoy his comradeship. And enjoy it they did.

I could just leave it at that - a brief flavour of Paul's life. I think he deserves more. If his life amounted to so little then why has he had such a profound impact on those around him? I think the answer is that he challenged much more than we care to admit. He made us see that we believe more in the fabric of our society than we do in the people that inhabit it. No one today in the western world can claim to believe in anything other than democracy. By that we mean that all of us are free to live our lives as we like. Yet that is so not true. We qualify that lofty ideal at every juncture. We make more and more rules about how we can and cannot behave in a civilised society. We punish those who break the rules, often quite arbitrarily, in the name of justice when in truth we are just making excuses to raise money. We treat the public, those we don't know, as punters to be exploited. We use the system to further our own ends and not to be unnecessarily generous to our fellow man. Paul did all of those things because he believed the world was still a jungle and you had to be a hunter gatherer to survive. When society complained he argued that he was following society's rules. He fought the system all the way and proved it to be a part of the jungle it claimed to be protecting us from. Had he lived way back in history he might have been a dictator and I rather think he would have made a good one. He had a sense of fairness which he learned from all the unfairness that happened in his life. Of course he would have made sure he was alright first but I think he would have cut through a lot of red tape. Some of the most unlikely characters make the best leaders if they only get the chance. Whether or not Paul quit, or rather was forced to quit, before life caught up with him or whether the best was yet to come we shall never know. He certainly had no resting place in this life. Let us hope that if there is another realm beyond death he has finally found peace - may he rest in peace.

Peter Rayner

Tags: Paul Doughty death morality social workers Birmingham victim perpetrator choices hypocrites society Iraq money anti-hero love brave bowling alley sportsman democracy jungle unfairness dictator peace

Talking About My Regeneration

Mellisa Susan Rayner b. 20/12/2006

We welcomed into the world our first grandchild just before Christmas. Seen here doing a very passable impersonation of Winston Churchill (that's my girl!). All of which reminds me of what might turn out to have been my finest hour (well, a little bit less than an hour, actually).

Whilst I welcome Millie without reservation, I have to say that it has been a long personal struggle with the so called "middle-age crisis". I remember seeing the doctor for a medical about 10 years ago (making me about 47) and being told that I had the body of a 24 year (I don't know how he found out). Today I am recovering from a heart attack and have a mysterious neurological condition which renders me near to unable to walk, certainly without a stick and which could, eventually, paralyse me from the neck downwards. I think Mel Gibson, himself, would struggle to keep up with the speed at which the transformation occurred. Even so, I could live another 40 years (certainly my ambition) and so I am spurred on to make the adjustment.

So, oddly, Millie and I have much in common. We both face a brave and exciting new world with much to learn and much to adjust to. Looking back is easy (and self indulgent). The challenge is, as always, "to boldly go..."

Pierre

Tags: millie grandchild Winston Churchill finest hour middle-age crisis medical heart attack neurological paralyse stick Mel Gibson to boldly go

Like Riding a Bike

So many months have gone by. Now I feel like I am creeping into the back of the room after the meeting has started. I guess I really had underestimated the power of writing. Maybe I thought it was just an optional extra, something to do when you have an idle moment. Ah, but there's the rub. I don't do idle moments.

Some bloggers seem to just do it effortlessly. For me it always significantly exhausting. Even when I have loads of energy. This is the trouble with being a perfectionist. There is an old saying:

"If a job's worth doing, its worth doing badly."

How many times do I set out with exactly that notion in mind only to find that I go back time and time again for another tweak. If it were against the clock I'd be alright. The first draft comes out quickly enough. It's the revisions that do for me!

I guess the problem is that a written piece is for ever. Hence my having started about 6 books in the course of my career but not finishing any of them. Even the papers took about 2 years each to produce although I have to say the bibliographies were stunning - and I did make the top journals in the world. (He said, hoping to impress).

I think it was Hilaire Beloc who wrote:

She writes because she must

My gifted sister, Anne

How nice!

We won't pretend

She writes because she can.

Well, for those who will make it all the way to a book or cyber equivalent I came across a great site somewhere in those lost months. It is called lulu.com. The idea is that you write a book and publish it on lulu. There is a basic price according to how lavish you want to be. You then add your profit, from which you get 80% and off you go. You can buy just one copy to see how it looks. No advance copies are printed. It is all done as required. The costings are quite reasonable so I can see this working. Another nice touch is that about 3 pages are made available for reading in advance so you can get well into the author before deciding.

The site quotes the example of an author who was turned down by a publisher as likely to only sell around 1000 copies a year. On lulu he does, indeed, sell around 1000 copies a year and makes $28 a copy profit.

I did find it a little unnerving to see quite so many memoirs and to realise that the need to write it down stands alonside the need to remember and capture those magnificent years of our youth. I suppose the risk is that what seems so precious in our head looks so ordinary in print. And that, in my view, is what makes a writer, not the memories or having something to say, but the ability to capture it in words that jump out from the page.

As for me, well there's a couple of hundred blogs to go before I can start forming them into memoirs so I had better get on with it, after dinner, that is.

Pierre

Tags: riding a bike creeping writing idle moments perfectionist tweak books Hilaire Beloc gifted lulu author publisher memoirs dinner